K thought the guys might get a kick out of this one

[oXKryptoniteXo]

I was just searching thru somethings i had saved and found this lol.

Men's Rules.

These couldn't be more true..

We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok - we now hear the guys' side These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and golf shots (scores).
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

[GRAMATON NAGS]

I just loved this. Awesome.

[oXKryptoniteXo]

this one is pretty good to..

Types of Women:

HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............

[PMS XxMickixX]

lmao i really like the one where he said that if it happened more that 7 months ago then its voided. HAHAHAHAHA good job finding this. Imma have to show my boyfriend this. He's gonna laugh so hard cuz he kno most of it iz tru

[PMS XxMickixX]

Originally Posted by PMS Kryptonite

this one is pretty good to..

VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............

lolz that fny. where ru gettin this stuff at gurl? either way keep em up!!!

[oXKryptoniteXo]

lol i can post the link there's alot of stuff but i will be posting things like this that i find here and other's in the random thread.

[GRAMATON NAGS]

That is truly how a man's mind work.

[oXKryptoniteXo]

TRY AND ARGUE THIS ONE...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. However, the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted the custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story, too.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

[oXKryptoniteXo]

What Gender Is It?

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in,but you can always see right through them.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. And it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought it would be male. But consider...it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

[oXKryptoniteXo]

Why Women HAVE TO Talk So Much

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men, because they have to repeat everything they say.

Looking stunned, he said, "What?"

[oXKryptoniteXo]

Women...

There was this "Husband Shopping Centre" where a woman could go to choose from among many men, her husband.

It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was that once you opened the door to any floor you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of girls go to the place to find men ...

First floor, the door has a sign saying "These men have jobs and love kids."

The women read the sign and say "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up they go.

Second floor, the door says "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."

"Hmmm," say the girls. "But we wonder what's further up?"

Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."

"Wow!" say the women. "Very tempting!!! But, there's more further up!"

And up they go.

Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."

"Oh, mercy me. But just think what must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they go.

The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please."

[oXKryptoniteXo]

K dumb blonde joke now

You've Got Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

[oXKryptoniteXo]

Laws For Women to Live By


1.Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2.What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3.If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4.Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5.Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6.Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7.Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8.Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9.Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10.Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11.If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12.The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13.If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14.Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15.Sadly, all men are created equal

[oXKryptoniteXo]

[H2o sLacK]

imma post these on myspace.....

[Kakerotto]

omg....those are funny

[oXKryptoniteXo]

:d

[Miss_Insanio]

kryptonite YOU ARE SOOO FREAKING FUNNY!!!!!!!

[H2O Bi0]

Originally Posted by PMS Kryptonite

TRY AND ARGUE THIS ONE...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. However, the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted the custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story, too.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

That is just wrong.... *shakes his head as he walks away*

[oXKryptoniteXo]

HaHa. lmao i know it was wrong wasnt it Ha Ha Ha.

Thanks missy i just like to make people laugh i love to here someone having a good time.

Thats why i make these threads.