Murphy's Law(s) of Battlefield 3

[H2O Yogurt]

Murphy's Laws of Battlefield 3

The only time you get revived is when you are doing something other than playing Battlefield (i.e. drink of water, eating a pistachio, ect.).
Enemies don't come around the corner until you are doing anything other then being prepared (dropping ammo or health, itching your face, reloading, ect.).
When you move forward with your squad, only you seem to perish even if you're in the back behind cover.
The SOFLAM target designation disappears as soon as you pull out your Javelin.
The probability of getting kicked from a server is directly proportional to your score that game.
Spawn into a transport helicopter driven by a random, nosedives into ground.
The knife only works against you.
People only want your attention while flying a chopper/jet, arming/defusing MCOMs, or capturing crucial points in conquest.
Each successive patch released will merely replace the current problems with new ones.

Feel free to add to the list everyone.

[H2O Spartan]

nice job our local philosopher

[H2O Wheatley]

- A map with Choppers often means yours will be spawn camped by the enemy.

- Short maps = Shotguns, shotguns EVERYWHERE.

- When the teams need balanced, usually the best players are switched onto the enemy team.

- If you kill the server Admin; you WILL get kicked.

[Grizz H2O]

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/19380419.jpg

[H2O Yogurt]

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/19380419.jpg

Let me fix you!

[H2O Wheatley]

- The first shot means you won't get the kill

- One does not simply walk into the alleyway on Grand Bazaar.

[H2O Curtyphilly]

When you think your doing good the enemy spawns behind you

You damage a enemy to your front down to 5 our less percent health just to be killed by one to your flank the kill for a death law lol or just death whatever ha

[Pony PMS]

That magical barrier they are camping behind only allows bullets to pass one way, you can't get a hit marker but they can hit you just fine.

You spawn on your squad mate, they run through an area like they're invisible and you die like you're a glowing neon target.

Your RPG's get hit markers but don't kill, but everyone else hits you with an RPG just fine, even behind indestructible walls.

Same with tank shells/guns, they go around barriers just to get YOU, but you have to fire 9 times to kill someone in a tank.

Your family only calls when you're trying to take B on Metro/Bazaar.

[H2O Wheatley]

- Checking an area is clear, once you put the gun down and run to push half the enemy team will crawl out the woodwork like cockroaches.

[H2O Gilly]

That magical barrier they are camping behind only allows bullets to pass one way, you can't get a hit marker but they can hit you just fine.


The railings on the first bit of sharqi rush? Somehow bullets cant pass between them, its magic!

- You throw down a medpack for someon on low health, they ignore it and run off and get killed, its your fault for not healing them

- If you and your opponent have the exact same gun, their version kills you quicker

- Get a patch to fix the game, breaks everything :D

- All the inaccurate guns become precision weapons when being fired at you

[H2O WafflyNumber]

Everyone else has carbon nanotube tank armour, but mine's made of paper mache and leaves...

[H2O Bonta-kun]

o.O What version of Battlefield are you all playing?
I haven't experienced any of these problems minus the lack of revives, and the attention when using vehicles/use of objectives

~edit~
Also:
Beware the G3/M26 glitch.

[H2O Curtyphilly]

O.o whaa? impossible you must be murphy !!! lol

[H2O Bonta-kun]

O.o whaa? impossible you must be murphy !!! lol

could be...

[H2O Obsidian]

- You only get invites/text messages while flying Helicopters and Jets.

[H2O Wheatley]

- The enemy team is winning?. Pull out the shotguns.
- Spawn camped?. Spammer snipers everywhere

[H2O Dark Star]

- Spawn on a teammate, enemy sniper gets a double headshot kill on the both of you.

- No matter how many times you check that spot/corner/hallway, you will be shot in the back as soon as you turn around.

[H2O Bonta-kun]

- No matter how many times you check that spot/corner/hallway, you will be shot in the back as soon as you turn around.

Once...it happens.
Twice...it's a coincidence.
Three times...I come back, empty out that spot/corner/hallway, plant C4 in all the places people don't usually look, hide somewhere, wait for them to come back.