Another debatable thread :)

[PMS Hollyw00d]

Ok since we've started these deep debatable threads I thought I'd come up with one and I'm actually having problems with this.

Question: Ok if there was no way you could have both, would you choose the person you love over your dreams and aspirations or would you choose your dreams over your love?

Its a little vague I know but a perfect example of this is my parents, my mother graduated 2nd in her class from high school with a 3.96 GPA and she had always had big dreams of going off to law school and she actually got a scholarship to the school of her choice but she decided to go to a community college and get her basics out of the way but when she was 20 and was getting ready to go to off to law school she met my father in the parking lot of the community college that summer and my father was already engaged but my father saw her and chased after her. My mother and him ended up getting together and marrying 3 months to the day that they met but my mother made an impulsive decision to get married when she knew that reaching her dream was going to be a reality...she gave up going to law school and ended up divorcing my father after 5 years of marriage and if it wasn't for my brother and I, she regrets not going off to law school and achieving her dream and now she is stuck in the place she used to swear she'd get of one day but she is remarried with 5 kids in all and she claims that she is happy but she still has that nagging feeling that she may have made the wrong decision.

Is it right to let go of your dreams to take a chance on a love that could very well not last and miss out on the opportunity to make your dreams come true that you've worked so hard for?

[Blue Rose PMS]

That is a tough one. All I could saw is dreams are always there. Not knowing the entire situation, but law school is still possible. It may be more expensive or will take longer, but the chance is still there. While going for my masters, I saw 50/60 year old's going for their bachelors and their professors were older than them! But they had their dreams and they were going for it.

Life happens and if you dwell on the what-ifs and coulda beens, you'll drive yourself nuts.

[KillSwitchDani]

Like Blue Rose said this is a tough decision. Everyday we are faced with decisions. I personally am one of those people that actually chose "love" over my dreams, only to find out 4 years down the road that it was a mistake. I thought about the possiblity of regret but then again if I didn't do it, I wouldn't know what I know now. I am currently back in school and I am doing great! I think I made the right choice because if it wasn't for leaving school I wouldn't have what I have now and I am very satified with my decision.

[PMS Strawberry]

Honestly, it is wrong. It's sad to say but this is what I truly believe. I do not believe in soulmates. There are 6 billion people in this world and I believe that you can replace someone, as sad as that sounds...but honestly, only ONE person for someone? I don't think so. It's just a matter of not WANTING to replace that person.

If your love truly is your 'love', then they would support you in any and EVERY one of your dreams and aspirations. Unless obviously it is 'morally' wrong (or if you want philosophy, what society deems as 'moral'). It's in the 'hypnotization' of true love I think, to support your partner's choices. Think about this: True love to me is not thinking of yourself or your relationship with that person. If you love that person so much, you think about making them happy, you think about what they want and love. It's called selfless love..something we rarely see anymore. And if you simply cannot support them after thinking about that, then I do not think you should stay with them. We all are selfish, but that doesn't compare to their values and goals.

Do what you love, love what you do. Think about yourself, YOUR life matters most to you (it should, anyway) and whomever it is that you are with, they should be APART of your life, not BE your whole life, if that makes sense.

We only have one lifetime, only x amount of years to make the best of it. Live it to the fullest, with no regrets.

I take after my mom, I've always been a strong, outspoken person. I truly think you are supposed to do what you want with your life and don't miss out ANY desired opportunities. Who's responsible for your life. YOU! Whose to say how you live it??
I believe in using gut feelings.

You only have this lifetime to do what you want. The person you're with should be understanding, supportive and loyal. People say, "oh, well to be in love is to make sacrifices". Well yes. Sacrifice a little to make each other happy. That doesn't mean everything.

So that being said, honestly, if they want you to hold you back or something like that, it's time to move on. Don't waste your time (as mean as that sounds) on someone who is selfish for their needs. People will probably read this and be like "..wow she obviously hasn't been in a relationship." But let me tell you, I have been in a serious one where this was an issue. I'm still young but I do have experience. And I KNOW it's way easier said than done. It takes a strong person to do it, or some help. But it's WELL worth it in the long run. People shouldn't need experience to figure it out, anyway. Hope this helps, again this is my personal opinion...and NO i'm not heartless. LOL. make love not war. <3

[Famous]

I'm going to say dreams. I'm always going to have dreams and will be chasing them. My dream is to be with the person I love with a great career. I guess I found a loophole in your debate. I WIN! ;)

[H2O Triceology]

I'm going to say dreams. I'm always going to have dreams and will be chasing them. My dream is to be with the person I love with a great career. I guess I found a loophole in your debate. I WIN! ;)


Wow! LoL!

[H2O DarkKnight 2k6]

no brainer here (least for me), i would (and have) choose dreams. (plural cause im getting my Pilots license for Private and commercial use first which im doing right now, and afterwards gonna go to the Academy to be a cop and after gaining some XP gonna take the Detective test.) with X's i kept getting nagged about choosing a different carrer cause of the dangers but if someone cant support my dreams... they are just holding me back. i have seen friends loose their dreams just cause they stuck with the one they "love" and now they are barely making ends meet in some crappy neighborhood and is stuck on diaper duty 24/7... i dont know about the rest of you but thats a no thank you for the Dark Knight. afterwards you can meet people and you got a lot less to loose than if you just throw your dream away.

[Do You Disco]

This may be my young, madly-in-love, state of bliss, but I think love is much more important. It's extremely, extremely rare, and when you know that the person you're with is the one, you just can't pass up on it.

[KillSwitchDani]

This may be my young, madly-in-love, state of bliss, but I think love is much more important. It's extremely, extremely rare, and when you know that the person you're with is the one, you just can't pass up on it.

My thing is that no one ever really "knows" who the one is. Life is about chances. If your willing to take that chance then do it. But me personally no one ever knows who that one person will be.

[PMS Strawberry]

****In my opinion****

this isn't really a much topic of debate.

[Famous]

****in my opinion****

this isn't really a much topic of debate.

omg i am so offended!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

[PMS Hollyw00d]

The reason I asked this question is because I am dealing with it right now...
I always told myself that my dreams were the most important thing but that was until I met someone that I could see myself settling down with but with his aspirations and mine do not fit togther and its very hard to find a happy middle solid ground. I want to be an ambassador and one day Secretary of State so I'll be traveling all the time and I won't actually be able to "settle down" in one place like he wants....I won't compromise my dreams...for anyone but I don't really want to tell him goodbye..I'm getting to that point in my life where I could very well meet the person I will someday marry and I'm ok with that. I want something serious and if I meet that person tomorrow, I'll be fine with it. I'm not a big flirt and i don't like dating multiple guys so its perfectly ok to meet the "one" if thats what you wanna call it. My dreams mean everything to me and I don't want to lose them but at the same time I don't want to lose him....he's something I don't want to live without and even though I'm still young I'm always constantly thinking of the future so this is a decision I want and need to make now becuase I'll be leaving for college next fall and I'll be even further away from him and to avoid even more pain in the future I want to end it now if thats how its supposed to be. Being in love is a weird thing...its made me doubt everything I've ever worked for and for once I understand why my parents did what they did and I hate that but I gotta do whats best for me and right now I'm not really sure what that is....thats why I made this thread....now whether its a good enough "debatable" topic or not doesn't matter to me, I just wanted this be a friendly discussion that could also help me and others who may be struggling with the same things.

[PMS Strawberry]

omg i am so offended!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Maybe....I WANTED to offended you! :o!!


Hollywood,

I understand what you're saying. You are seventeen years old...I truly dont believe you are getting to that point in life where you are going to find the man you are going to marry. No one really understands that they honestly should and I mean REALLY should date or get to know a lot of people [not a lot of serious relationships] before they settle with 'the one'.

But I understand that you don't want to lose him. You should never put a boy before your future...no matter how hard that sounds. I think you will realise you'll be making a huge mistake if you don't take this chance. Or try long distance if it will make you feel better?

I'm only 19....We are really young and have our entire lives to meet people...guarenteed you'll meet a bunch new friends at college. :)

Good luck. Hope everything works out...definitely a good topic to discuss about.

[PMS Disco]

If I absolutely had to choose, I'd choose the one I loved.
Love > Money
But the two aren't mutually exclusive.
:P

[Maxman]

A friend drops their plans when you're in trouble, shares joy in your accomplishments, feels sad when you're in pain. A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice--but when you don't follow it, they still respect and love you.

[PMS Strawberry]

Aren't you a little young to be making decisions which will impact the rest of your life? Personally I'd say go to school, get an education, make sure you can live your life well, then find someone.

exactly my point.

[Esty]

Easy for me, to not have loved ever, is a life not worth living.

[PMS Androgynous]

My dream is for the world to achieve true peace. I know it won't happen in my lifetime, or anytime in the near future, but world peace is much more important than any of my personal desires. I would gladly live in celibacy if it meant that the world would one day be able to achieve and live in peace.

[CYNiK]

love over dreams..
i dont have many dreams...

[Harpy PMS]

This is a tough topic....

I definitely gave up my dream for my boyfriend....it turned out to be the best decision I had ever made. I also made this decision when I was 17.....so I suppose I am a little biased. lol I think it really depends on how strong of a connection you have with this person and how mature you feel you are in making this decision. I knew that my boy was meant for me within the first few months of meeting him and we have been going strong ever since. I knew what I wanted to do when I was 17 but ended up changing my mind when I experienced college and the courses that come along with it. Follow your heart and see where it takes you. Either way you chose, you might find you are extremely satisfied if you follow your gut.

Good Luck!

[PMS Crashtasm]

Call me a hopefull romantic, (YES hopeFULL not hopeless) but I would choose love, if I felt as though I couldn't live without this person. Sounds dumb, but I don't believe you can truly live without loving. Passion is everything, in work and in ..well play. If you are torn, I'd say to try both, sounds hard and impossible, but if you both TRULY want it to work you can make it happen. This is a tough decision, and in a way it is a rite of passage for you. I know you don't want to hear it, but I have been there and know how bad it can't hurt to give up one thing in place of another, if you really feel you can't do both, then follow your heart and your gut. Look down the road and see where you see yourself in a few years. I would only say to pick him if you knew with everything that that is what you wanted, no question no doubt about it, but it seems as though you are not sure. You are asking our opinions, and what we would do, not complaining that you want this but can't figure out how to work it. Maybe it is just me but I feel as though you may not be so sure, that maybe you are avoiding the inevitable. If you have to ask whether you should stay with him, you need to try both, because honestly, NO OFFENSE, but I do not think he is the 'one.' If he was the one there would be no question or debatable thread about it. If he truly loves you he will stay regardless if you are a housewife or you are out shanking zombies in Timbuktu! Now, I'm never saying it would be easy, but if you love each other that deeply, it won't matter. Good luck, I don't think you need it though.. Just trust your heart, instincts and gut intuition.

"Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end..."

Keep your head high, heavy heart. <3

[PMS FutureCougar]

If it's true and mature love, you can achieve both. Get your education, learn about life, explore the world... You can do it all and still have the love of your life in your life. It may not be in the most ideal circumstances, but if you both take a mature stance on the situation, you can last as well.

After being together for nearly 6 years, the love of my life had to leave to help her family. We are still together, love each other, talk, text, and im as often as we can throughout the day... and i've only seen her about once a month for only a few days at a time since May. i could be an ass and force her to choose, but what would that solve? If she needs a few more weeks to finish her business there or if it turned into years, i would continue to support her decision and love her as much as if she were here with me everyday like it used to be. i know that the me that i was at 19 couldn't handle living so far from the one who lights my life. i'm stil growing and learning, but i'm at least finally to a point where i can tolerate this.

If love is true and lasting, it should survive so that one person can completely find themselves, realize their dreams. If it doesn't last, and one or both people involved changes.. If that change causes harm to the bond.. If that bond is irreparably broken, it wasn't as strong as you thought.

But, i guess that's just my opinion

http://i954.photobucket.com/albums/ae30/sweetthing0280/MLGDallas09015.jpg

[Ruin PMS]

I think it depends on your beliefs. Some people would rather a successful career, then look for love. Putting your life together in little pieces like our Mothers taught us was the way, since we were little.

Anyone who really lives, knows that structure isn't always there. It can break, we can lose sight of it.. In all reality people should do what they want, whatever it is that makes them happy.

For me, when it comes to love- I don't care if I'm living in a cardboard box. My partner makes me that happy and fulfilled. Now that's a hopeless romantic for you. lol

An ideal partner would support you in whatever you wanted to do. Think about Military wives/husbands.. That's a lot of waiting with no definite return.