nighthawksw
09-05-2006, 12:30 AM
Before i start, i'd like to say this.
I don't want these threads placed in the poetry and prose section. I understand that it's a writting, kinda like an art of the heart i guess? But to be honest, not many people seem to read the stuff there, not as much as the threads in here. I'm posting these not to be critiqued or appeal to a certain crowd, i want EVERYBODY to read these, i want to see if i can make a difference. I want to show people what i'm going through, and try to teach them so they don't go through the things that i do. Every person counts.
Alright, here's the actual post:
__________________________________________________ _______________________
I'll be honest, everytime i see a couple kissing, everytime i see a couple dancing, everytime i see or hear about stories concerning a girl leaving her boyfriend for another man, i feel sick. It's a frightening subject now, because most people have experianced their first love already. Now, everytime you meet a person, they may already have a person they're standing you up against. You have quotas' to meet, things you gotta do or they won't (normally) be able to accept ya. Especially if you're following them. I'm sure people will learn eventually, but there's not really a sign for it... You can't really know what a person has experianced, how mature they are, until the two of you open up to each other: at which point you've already dove in.
Despite that though, i know i have to keep looking. Love's one of those enchanting things that i don't want to let slip me by. Maybe because it's my dream to find it, or maybe just because it's a mystery i wanna unlock~ maybe i just wanna prove the social standard wrong, and say, "look at me! i can be married and NOT divorce!".
I watched a movie today that helped me regain my focus, despite the fear. The movie was "Step Up", and it's a dancing movie. Now here's the kicker..what taught me my lesson, was when a boy died. He lived in a rough neighborhood, his brother and brothers' best friend stole cars to make a living while attending school. On the day the boy died, the mother had told the older brother and his friend to make sure her "baby" stayed home, and didn't come to the party. They left him home, he followed a little later anyway. Of course when the two older kids saw him, they sent him home alone~ I mean, they'd lived there for a long time, nothing'd happen...everything'll be fine. But it wasn't. He found an Escalade, abandoned, and stole it. Then he drove it back to the party to show it off. The main problem though, was that the truck belonged to one of hte more dangerous citizens of the neighborhood...and he drove up and shot the kid.
The connected here, is that surprising things'll happen in your life. You can't just assume everything'll be the same, you've gotta make that extra effort to walk your brother home to ensure he doesn't make a stupid mistake: so that he can get home alright. Similarly, you can't just run from every chance at love, you've gotta take the chance to walk that road, and see it to the end. Don't run halfway, don't split because you're afraid. See it through, make sure you see everything through, so that you can be right there to learn from it all, and if nothing else, build some character.
Love'll tear you open, force you to bear your soul and go through some hardcore changes; it really tests who you are and shows us what the things in our lives truly mean to us. It has a frightening power, but it'll teach you more about yourself, your desires, and what you can let go of; faster than anything else i've ever heard. It's up to you, to decide how you take things.
Are you going to be angry or sad when your disappointed?
Will you yell at her and risk chasing him/her away? Or will you become sad and risk them believing you to be a pansy?
Where will you draw the line?
Will you force them to do everything your way? Will you not stand for being told what to do? Or will you step it up and negotiate. Finding out what's important to her, sharing what's important to you, share your fears, and find out what the two of you could do to make the both of you happy.
Can you be honest?
Even if you know what you did is wrong, it might even cause them to break up with you: can you still tell them the truth? Or will you run, hiding it away in your soul, breaking the trust placed in you?
Whether or not they break up with you for it, is a test of each others' trust. If you don't share, you're saying that you dont believe they care enough to forgive you. If you do share, you're risking it...but you're confirming that you'll be honest, nomatter what's going on. And to some, that means the world to them.
I'm afraid of love, but i can't turn away from it. I'll probably have some issues going into my next one, because of the way i've been treated in the last one. But i'll be expecting some baggage coming my way too...and the first test, will be if our bond is strong enough to share those fears, worries, etc.; and trust each other despite our past pains.
I don't want these threads placed in the poetry and prose section. I understand that it's a writting, kinda like an art of the heart i guess? But to be honest, not many people seem to read the stuff there, not as much as the threads in here. I'm posting these not to be critiqued or appeal to a certain crowd, i want EVERYBODY to read these, i want to see if i can make a difference. I want to show people what i'm going through, and try to teach them so they don't go through the things that i do. Every person counts.
Alright, here's the actual post:
__________________________________________________ _______________________
I'll be honest, everytime i see a couple kissing, everytime i see a couple dancing, everytime i see or hear about stories concerning a girl leaving her boyfriend for another man, i feel sick. It's a frightening subject now, because most people have experianced their first love already. Now, everytime you meet a person, they may already have a person they're standing you up against. You have quotas' to meet, things you gotta do or they won't (normally) be able to accept ya. Especially if you're following them. I'm sure people will learn eventually, but there's not really a sign for it... You can't really know what a person has experianced, how mature they are, until the two of you open up to each other: at which point you've already dove in.
Despite that though, i know i have to keep looking. Love's one of those enchanting things that i don't want to let slip me by. Maybe because it's my dream to find it, or maybe just because it's a mystery i wanna unlock~ maybe i just wanna prove the social standard wrong, and say, "look at me! i can be married and NOT divorce!".
I watched a movie today that helped me regain my focus, despite the fear. The movie was "Step Up", and it's a dancing movie. Now here's the kicker..what taught me my lesson, was when a boy died. He lived in a rough neighborhood, his brother and brothers' best friend stole cars to make a living while attending school. On the day the boy died, the mother had told the older brother and his friend to make sure her "baby" stayed home, and didn't come to the party. They left him home, he followed a little later anyway. Of course when the two older kids saw him, they sent him home alone~ I mean, they'd lived there for a long time, nothing'd happen...everything'll be fine. But it wasn't. He found an Escalade, abandoned, and stole it. Then he drove it back to the party to show it off. The main problem though, was that the truck belonged to one of hte more dangerous citizens of the neighborhood...and he drove up and shot the kid.
The connected here, is that surprising things'll happen in your life. You can't just assume everything'll be the same, you've gotta make that extra effort to walk your brother home to ensure he doesn't make a stupid mistake: so that he can get home alright. Similarly, you can't just run from every chance at love, you've gotta take the chance to walk that road, and see it to the end. Don't run halfway, don't split because you're afraid. See it through, make sure you see everything through, so that you can be right there to learn from it all, and if nothing else, build some character.
Love'll tear you open, force you to bear your soul and go through some hardcore changes; it really tests who you are and shows us what the things in our lives truly mean to us. It has a frightening power, but it'll teach you more about yourself, your desires, and what you can let go of; faster than anything else i've ever heard. It's up to you, to decide how you take things.
Are you going to be angry or sad when your disappointed?
Will you yell at her and risk chasing him/her away? Or will you become sad and risk them believing you to be a pansy?
Where will you draw the line?
Will you force them to do everything your way? Will you not stand for being told what to do? Or will you step it up and negotiate. Finding out what's important to her, sharing what's important to you, share your fears, and find out what the two of you could do to make the both of you happy.
Can you be honest?
Even if you know what you did is wrong, it might even cause them to break up with you: can you still tell them the truth? Or will you run, hiding it away in your soul, breaking the trust placed in you?
Whether or not they break up with you for it, is a test of each others' trust. If you don't share, you're saying that you dont believe they care enough to forgive you. If you do share, you're risking it...but you're confirming that you'll be honest, nomatter what's going on. And to some, that means the world to them.
I'm afraid of love, but i can't turn away from it. I'll probably have some issues going into my next one, because of the way i've been treated in the last one. But i'll be expecting some baggage coming my way too...and the first test, will be if our bond is strong enough to share those fears, worries, etc.; and trust each other despite our past pains.