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H2O Creation
11-15-2008, 05:49 PM
Chapter 1

Harbouring the last of his energy as the bitter cold was perishing at his fingers tips. The feeling of numbness had sunk in hours before, making discomfort flow throughout his body. In time the ability to walk will probably cease to exist. Not that he cared; he did not put himself into this position by accident. Yet to his demise he had played with fire with the one thing that can truly break a man’s heart and of course to his misfortune he’d lost. Or was it that he was just forgotten, but then he did not think there was any difference. He opened his eyes and took in the view that he once thrived on for guidance, support and to feel that nurture once more from the distance memories of his childhood. The central pier in Trieste held so much tranquillity and aura with him that just before he would write a book he would sit out on the furthest dock and stare silently out to the open sea. He would listen to the sounds that surrounded him which reminded him to the times of when he used to be in church on Sunday mornings listening to the choir and the orchestra. No sound was the same it was if every crash and every wave that merged together had been strung by a different soul. He listened to these souls singing in the sea which would spark idea’s and trigger thoughts; intricate stories would bloom inside and be released. If any thing this was his place of happiness that he had used for many years but now it was also his place of pain. He’d planned to bring everything to an end but he couldn’t help think that the aura in this place would not let it end. He had hope rather than fear.

The bells from the terre campanaria in the middle of Trieste echoed across the harbour making him feel no more lost than the first time he had heard then ring out. It was if it was yesterday. He had a meeting at seven but with little knowledge of the city lay out and the bustling streets that surrounded him made it impossible to find his way, which caused havoc to his punctuality. Only if I had picked that map up and not acted in such a stubborn way. Tourist he’d thought, it’s only a few streets from the apartment surly it’s not possible to take the wrong turn. Lucky for him the bells were the only thing that gave him direction. He followed the direction of the chimes with every second that past twelve which brought him closer to his destination. He made his meeting slightly off time, fifteen minutes passed the hour to be exact but without the chimes he may never of got there and he would of missed a person that has affected his life quite considerably. Maybe it was his downfall in one way; those blasted bells had put him into the position of sitting at the end of the pier. If the bells had never rung all those years ago the meeting would have never took place. The bitter cold from the northern winds, or the Bora which it is known in these parts would not be biting at his limbs causing hypothermia at this very moment.

A tear had rolled down the side of his face getting caught in his two day stubble. His face was warn and torn from the cold air and it had gone a blue shade of purple and with the tear leaving a frozen trail across his face which had formed an iridescent scheme across his cheek. The tear was for love even though love had not occurred for an eternity. Love can only be devised by two people anything less can only be described as a black whole in space. This could also be known as a one way street in other words wasted love in a person drains the soul of all happiness as that person will never be satisfied. He had felt this for ten years to this date; the bar had been raised and never lowered. He had put all women and compared them to one. This woman had been so special to his past and can only ever be described as his past as there’s been no contact in many years. She was true, focused and intelligent. Full of goodness and generosity not to mention the beauty that would pour from her heart as it was filled with so much innocence and recognition. No woman would stand a chance not even if the sun was to burn out and darkness crept from the shadows, leaving all women unidentifiable. There would still only be one burning star for all to see.

He cowered into a ball feeling nothing but pain, more than he’d over felt before. He blocked the cold from his mind with the thought of that it would soon come to an end. This was a relief, but his mind would wander. Was he a coward, was this the way he should end it. Did he not have an ounce of fight left in him to get on with his life, was there no option but to end it all on one treacherous night in Trieste. He fell well short of Captain Robert Falcon Scott and his men when they braved the journey to the South Pole and died just a few mere miles from base, lets face it there won’t be a memorial stating that “hereabouts died a very gallant gentlemen.” He would be lucky to get a mention in the local gazette. Fear and doubt had started to overcome his hope for a peaceful end. Nothing seemed further from the truth, could he make it back down the pier. But surly the Bora would blow him out to sea if he left the confines of the steel dock. The winds would reach up to 120 kph and He was stuck fast with no where to go. He’s skin crawled throughout with the constant shiver that he could not cease. With he’s eyes shut fast he kept the one thought that made him happy, her smile. It was a smile that was worth a million thank yous. Nothing was more pleasing to he’s lowly existence to what he thought was love. Slowly he adhered to nothing as the vibrations that sent his bones rattling through the night air diminished to a near halt. He’s thought’s slowly faded without trace, it was like an ice age had taken over he’s mind leaving a bleak mist. A shining bright light approached him like a train pulling through a station. No reaction could be made or even considered only to let it be, so let it be he did...





The light lingers,
on the shadowed wall.
With the feeble faces,
focused on his feet so small.
Step back. Step Back.
To the crumbled floor.
One step too far.
For the light will linger no more.

Karra
11-15-2008, 05:51 PM
Read the title...

But is so much to read at this time :(

Soooooooooooooo tireddd...

Looks good though :D:D

Keep it up :p

ArchAngel
11-15-2008, 05:52 PM
whats all that suppose to mean lol i dont get it is it a story or something

H2O Creation
11-15-2008, 05:54 PM
read boy, the nights still young.... and its sunday tomorrow.. you can have a lie in....

take it how you will reaminator

Krystal PMS
11-16-2008, 04:10 AM
Karra's just lazy..lol,,,i'll read it when i get home :P got half way through, but have to leave. Pretty good so far! :P

FullMetal H2O
11-16-2008, 04:51 AM
i like it forking ace!

Krystal PMS
11-16-2008, 08:11 AM
reading that made me cold..i had to get a blanket and some hot tea to warm up..lol...that poor guy could use a hot cup of tea.

H2O Creation
11-16-2008, 10:44 AM
i think you maybe wining the cookies...

Stiletto
11-17-2008, 10:35 AM
The first chapter is beautifully written. I enjoy your use of adjectives. The only thing I would work on is shortening your paragraphs a little. It's a little overwhelming, which might not make it reader-friendly, unless people have the patience to read it.

H2O Creation
11-17-2008, 10:49 AM
thanks for the comment, much appreciated...

Stiletto
11-17-2008, 12:35 PM
Not a problem, sweetie. Keep up the good work!

H2O Creation
11-17-2008, 02:38 PM
i'm going to put chapter 2 up tomorrow... its takes a bit of a turn from the first one but it would be rude not too...

H2O Creation
11-17-2008, 02:57 PM
when i started writing this story i didn't have a clue where i was going to end up... for those of you that don't know i was actually in trieste the other week. i began thinking and writing the begining while sitting in a cafe in the main square, opposite me sat the girl that features in the dying mans thoughts. i wrote away while she sat there translating some of her work from croatian to italian. it was late and quite cold the pier that the guy in the story lay upon was just alittle over 200 metres away from me. should i say the young women opposite a dear friend hasnt actually read any of this story yet... and i'm wandering if i should ever show her.... sometimes feelings should be left kept secret, especially when two worlds are so far apart...

the poem at the bottom of the page is just something i scribbled down the other morning.. it has no relevance i don't think....

Draco88
11-18-2008, 12:38 PM
I have said it before and i'll say it again you are a great writer creation.

H2O Creation
11-18-2008, 01:43 PM
thank you draco i really appreciate it.... and i hope one day i can prove it to myself....

PMS Jean Grey
12-15-2008, 11:57 PM
Wow, I really liked your style of writing. I think it's good to have a first chapter that has a lot of adjectives, but, in the next chapter you may want to cut it back a little bit and start to get into the story. You are very talented!

PMS HasBe
12-30-2008, 01:03 AM
I found your post asking if anyone liked to read and I have to say after reading this I can't wait to read more. It's a beautiful opening your choice of words defeinetly made me feel like I was in the environment. It does a wonderful job of captivating the readers attention and making them want to read more. I would say all in all its a magnificent rough draft but I would say that you definetly need to flesh it out a bit more. In my opinion the first chapter of any book is the most important and if it isn't really strong then the rest of the book will kind of fall flat in the readers mind.

naturaL)
01-07-2009, 03:17 AM
this community is full of artist.

AesmaDaeva
02-12-2009, 10:34 PM
Yes Creativity should write a book matter a fact I'm going to post my old Harry Potter Fan Fition from a while back first chapter to see what you think tomorrow

PMS Solincia
03-18-2009, 11:14 AM
Where is chapter 2?


"I do admit my scorn to love, though loves forever growing.
I do admit my scorn to love, though passions are still flowing.

What heart, of mine, is left to beat, entwined in passions flare?
I do admit this scorn to love, though tell I never dare."

PMS Serenity
07-28-2009, 12:27 PM
As Solincia said, where is Chapter 2?