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CaptainDemon
08-13-2006, 04:07 PM
"Aggression"

How do I begin this piece?
Do I write a clever line?
or simply expain what my mind sees?
a baffling puzzle that should come with ease,

but nothing comes to me with ease,
everything is just that little bit harder,
due to some of my darker tendencies,
is anger the sludge that slows my feet?

or am I not the man without feet?
telling the shoeless to be grateful for their wealth,
sadness in bad health?
or does contempt choke my breath?

or does fear of death prompt my inquisition?
buried desires,
suppressive aggression,
violent wishes to destroy and conspire,

the only question that has it's answer,
that my aggression feeds on my pain,
a pain that I've known forever,
and what seemed like my docile manner

shall erupt into bestial temper
and all who torment will be torn asunder.

eC | Archon | [Co-LDR]
08-13-2006, 04:21 PM
I really like this poem.
I love the ryming pattern as well.
Overall it's a very good pice.
<3

kwdw0415
09-27-2011, 04:15 PM
I love the vocabulary used, but I was thrown off by the rhyming, and I think the piece would be better without ryming and without repetition of words. There is no pattern to the rhyme, which made my immediate interest in the vocabulary turn into a distraction with the rhyme. I also think the repeating of feet and ease is distracting.

Love this part:

or does contempt choke my breath?

or does fear of death prompt my inquisition?
buried desires,
suppressive aggression,
violent wishes to destroy and conspire,


except for the tense switches..this is stronger in past tense. Sorry. I was an English major.

You are very talented with your word choices. :)

Savex
10-09-2011, 09:00 PM
thanks for your sharing
good job
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