kittyvamp1884
08-09-2006, 12:17 PM
Only in America:
A North Carolina man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against... get this... fire. After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally. The man sued. The judge stated that since the company had insured the cigars against fire, they were obligated to pay. After the man accepted payment for his claim, the insurance company then had the man arrested . . . for arson.
hehe i loved this joke.....
kittyvamp1884
08-09-2006, 08:31 PM
oops... i'll post a different one then.....
kittyvamp1884
08-09-2006, 08:35 PM
1) A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
2) Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." "In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"
3) Leo and Sam exited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake, Leo asked, "Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it." "No, that won't work" answered Sam. "People will think we're trying to break in." So Leo suggested, "What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?" "No," said Sam. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger." "Well," sighed Leo, "we'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"
4) A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!" The man immediately leans out his window and yells "B_ _ _H!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
5) Jewish Grandmother
Perhaps you have to be from New York to laugh at this. For those not so fortunate, perhaps you will smile. Standing on the shore, a Jewish lady watches her grandson playing in the water. She is thunderstruck when she sees a huge wave crash over him. When it recedes, the boy is no longer there -- he had vanished! Screaming, the woman holds her hands to the sky and cries, "Lord, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not scrimped and saved so I could give to the temple? Have I not always put others before myself? Have I not always turned my other cheek and loved my neighbors? Have I not--" A deep loud voice from the sky interrupts. "Enough already, give me a break!" Immediately, another huge wave appears and crashes on the beach. And when it recedes, the boy is there smiling, splashing around as if nothing ever happened. The deep loud voice continues. "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?" The grandmother responds, "He had a hat."